Thursday, February 09, 2006
Y FUCK YOU, WORLD!
just back from the mahjong session we had over at kengey's. guthrie and i were the only winners. i won $3.60! however, we were just playing for the fun of it. with the chips, and not with the real money. it was really pleasant to meet guthrie for the first time today. he seems like a nice guy, and treats zeee dahling real good (according to kengey, that is). hopefully this is for good and fo'real, so that zeee dahling will feel happy. (:
we played till 11ish, before i had to cab home. kengey walked me to the bus stop, and we both had thought there's no more buses for me, which actually came after i board the cab! dang. anyhows, i just felt glad to be able to catch a breather outside today. ohwells.
i really don't seem to understand human beings nowadays. not just others, i don't understand me as well. why am i still drowning myself in my own sorrows when he's moving on with his busy and fulfiling life happily? i ought to be happy that he's happy and knowing i've so many close ones at my side giving me all the support that they can. but lately, i don't know why i'm having so many doubts about so many things. i'm having troubles trusting people. i find it hard to open up to people i trust too. it's getting tougher. and i kept having questions in my head unanswered. i just feel this emptiness. i'm so hollow. i hate smiling nowadays. how i wish i could just stand and burst into tears, or stay at home and sleep and never to wake up to this cruel real world. my parents noticed the change in me, and are asking me what is wrong but i'd just shrug it off. i really don't know how to answer their question. everything's and everyone are changing. and i can't adapt to all these changes. right from the beginning, i loathe changes. how i wish all these changes around me were just a blip, and that everything will be back to normal the very next second.
all these tangles in me still had to go on. life still has to go on. all i can do now is to keep myself busy with whatever i can get my hands on and hope for the better in everything. life goes on, and i'm going back to school tomorrow.
i know this is gonna be really crude of me to say, and i know shit happens but still..
FUCK YOU, WORLD!
Labels: Whinings/iRant
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The Lady
Joanne; twenty-one; 16jan'87
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