youhavestolenmyheart.

Monday, August 29, 2005

The current mood of littlebobdog40@hotmail.com at

www.imood.com

Y communication.

well, i'm sure you must wondering what happened to us right? things are better now, so i'm pretty ready to give a recount about the whole thing. (: it's like this..

this afternoon, when baby woke up and msn-ed me. he told me he's going out with esmond, which i was pretty fine with it, even though i thought we will be meeting today. because i know it's been ages since he last meet up with his buddy, so yeah, he can go do his catching up by all means. hey, that wasn't why we fought. so we went on to chat like as per normal, until there's once he said something which pisses me off and triggered my fire. that's when i began throwing tantrum and chat with him in a very attitude-ish tone. i began complaining that he doesn't care about me, and began bringing out everything that i'm unhappy about. everything that i said to him was what i've been feeling for the past few days, and i even talked to larling about it, and even she feels its normal for me to feel that way! (what way? go figure.)

and instead of coaxing me like any normal boyfriend will do to an angry girlfriend, he counter-attacked me with reasons and excuses (maybe) to each and every of my sentences. it's always like that, i told him. each time i have something to say or something's bothering me, he will counter me with words that made me really speechless and feel totally dumb to even had said those out. and according to him, that's his way of arguing and not defendence. i was really an angry woman typing in front of my laptop at that moment. each and every of his words just made my tear ducts active, and i was crying so badly lah (luckily my parents were out). i felt really hurt. i would rather he used a knife to stab me right through the heart. really.

this time round, instead of me ended up putting all the blame to myself, it was him. as in those way, "my fault loh", "i'm not understanding loh", "you are right and i'm wrong loh", etc etc. those kinda blaming ownself of sentences. well, i told myself that this isn't going anywhere with both of us acting this way. it takes two hands to clap, no? it's like HARD vs HARD, and nobody's willing to give in and solve the problem. and when i was about to cool down and get him to talk things out, he logged off without saying anything else! if you were me, what will you feel when you see that "appears offline" words in front of you?! i was so darn hurt, and my tears were flowing out non-stop okay. T_T

and when i was about to drown myself in my own tears, he sms-ed me with his reply. i think it's because he's running late in meeting esmond, that's why he sms-ed me instead. ohwells. we sms-ed a little, saying we'll drop this whole matter, without a solution. very much i wanted to solve it, but i just said ignore everything to him. i was hurting still. i needed to talk to someone so badly. that was when i felt really lonely, knowing that i don't know who to turn to. i'm not that kind that would just click on somebody and say, "can you please allow me to whine at you?". that was when fizzy came into my mind. yeah, he's the only person, so far, whom i can always count on to give really good advices and at the same time, cheer me up. SEE! FIZZY POOPER, YOU ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTE OK! (:

so i was talking to fizzy about the problem, telling him everything and all. he began analyzing and giving me alternative solution and stuffs. he even encouraged me to send something sweet to baby, to make him feel better and all. initially, i didn't dared to send out the message, as i find it really weird to be all mushy all of the sudden after a fight. but in the end, i sent one still. fizzy was the one who boost my courage by telling me a story of a fight between him and shasha, and thus i managed to send it out. i even told fizzy that i was afraid to get demoralizing replies from him, like an "OK" reply, so he taught me to include "you don't have to reply tho, just wanna let my inner feeling out". and true enough, he did not reply. well, at least better than getting replies that i don't wish to see.

i thought i felt better after that, but no. i locked myself in my room the entire afternoon trying to sort out my thoughts. even my mom tried to ask me out for a shopping spree or something, i also didn't go along. thats when larling called to ask me what happened, and when i talked to her, i can't help but cry again. why ah? sigh. but it's really nice of her to be so encouraging. (: sigh, i couldn't take it anymore, so i sms-ed baby to ask if he's free to meet up in the evening to talk. okay, at least this time round his replies were better. he then say he'll let me know once he's free, as esmond was at his place earlier on.

at 7ish, i took 855 to thomsom plaza to roam around aimlessly. i felt so dumb walking around like that, while waiting for bi's sms. but luckily when i was just about to board the bus, twinny called and she accompanied me talk all the way, till baby's standing right in front of me. it's so nice to know that zhi yong actually helped to analyze my problem and stuffs. then we began discussing about genting trip again. and after baby sms-ed me, i walked that one bus stop, wanting to meet him outside 7-11. i was still on the phone, plus eating something on the way. when i was about to cross the road, i saw a familiar figure walking towards my direction. it was baby. he yelled out to me just when i was about to cross the road, because there's many oncoming cars, yet i wanna cross. i put down the phone with twinny, and walked to his place with him.

we were still acting like normal, like nothing has happened. at his place, we watched TV together, still normal. then he called teckson to ask him something, then teckson became cheeky and tried to make bi say out about our relationship. haha, bi on the speaker mode so that i can hear the conversation as well. so funny lah. then we talked together awhile and that's all. okay, back to our television show. i was trying to think of a way to start the conversation, thus i took so long to start.

okay, so we began to talk. talk about everything. as usual lah, talk, explain, whine, complain, etc etc. i told him about i'd rather him stab me with a knife straight through my heart then hearing him say that word to me. then he idiot one leh, really go to the kitchen and took out a knife to play. aiya, he was just playing. i told him about the problem with his short sms replies, then he assured me that i won't have to see such replies after he got the N90 phone. that phone has got a KEYPAD okay. unlike his current 7280, no keypad but a "spinner". haha. then we talked somemore, guess our problems' pretty much solved. i hope. after that, we went on to talk about our genting trip and stuffs. well, most probably we'll go book our tickets next saturday night after going out with kengey or something, as that's the only day whereby everyone will be free.

and at 11ish, he walked me to the bus stop and i took 855 home from there. haha, this reminds that he don't allow me to take cabs anymore, as i needa save. yay. well, communication is indeed very important in a relationship. thanks fizzy for that guidance. (: for now, i just hope baby won't stab me in the heart again.

oh, my brother called home this afternoon. and the first thing he asked when i took over the phone was about his darling computer! how thoughtful of him alright. haha, nevermind. anyhows, this wednesday benedict (chan) was asking us to go back MSL for teachers' day celebration. and candy's asking all to wear black on that day? for what? shrugs* kengey's not sure whether she can make it, and tiffy's for sure can't make it, then who wanna go with me?? fizzy, wanna go back with me? i wanna go back, but i've got lessons at 2pm. hmmm, how leh? i wanna see mrs tan. well, i'll see how. those ex-MSL who wanna go back, meet benedict outside MSL bus stop at 11.30am on 31st august aiight. (:

took this with larling yesterday during work, while eating snake inside salon 5 before dinner starts. :x i looked kiddish, no? my mom said so. boo. and EW, look at my kuku fringe. :\

Labels: History, Inner Intentions