Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Y Fleeting Feelings
my biggest enemy in life is not problems. it's problems which do not have solutions attached to it. it leaves you hanging and vulnerable to the situation you're in, and there you find yourself helpless as the predicament unfolds right before you. there's nothing i can do about it to make things better.. and that really puts me in fear sometimes. Labels: Inner Intentions
and so as i sat there, i got so caught up in my own thoughts. nonchalant to the chatters around me. people from different walks of life around me, hollering all sorts of languages/dialects to each other. it's almost queer how the long, streaming hours can sail by so effortlessly, while you struggle to run alongside it. in your ongoing quest of keeping abreast with time you hear and try to shake off its quiet and rhythmic snicker; but as always - the ticking never stops.
the earth is still revolving. the time is still ticking away. why should i let these problems obstruct my life this way, i thought. where had all the strong wills which i had for the past months gone to? this strong pillar in my heart has seemed to collapsed somehow. i need to get that fixed, and make my life be back on track. i gotta stop deceiving myself, and face the reality.
how is it that i could be bursting with optimism one moment, and flushed out with despondency the next? i would like to say this is uncharacteristic, and that what i'm experiencing of late is just my way of responding to present and differing situations.
but then this would bring me to the question of how well i know myself, and frankly speaking? not much. a scary thought indeed. a seed of thought you one day find mysteriously planted in the back of your mind, gradually feeding and growing on the time you spend thinking about it. but as i've found out, brooding doesn't always necessarily give answers, so i'm now drawn to taking things a step at a time, occasionally backtracking a little, and indulging in the passing of cliched statements like "only time will tell" whenever i find myself locked in a loose train of unanswered thoughts.
will my determination falters, again, mid-way? i hope not.
note: thank you, dearest li'e, for being the one whom i can talk to without arming myself with a shield. i don't know why i did that, but trust me, it sure can be absolutely tiring sometimes. but i will walk out this dark abyss once more, and i'll be back to the larling you first knew. hee.
i will miss you no more. (p.s: i kinda... miss my straight hair actually. =x)
ohwells. on a lighter note, i'm going to PAsirRIS tonight. i hope we'll have lots of fun, without the mosquitoes (we're heading to the dengue (blacklisted) hotspot!), that is. tsk!
alright, toodles for now!
Joanne; twenty-one; 16jan'87
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