at times, i really question my ability to be invulnerable. my drastic moodswings got from bad to worse and i get emo-affected real easily nowadays. but still, i'm pretty much in control, i guess? sighs*

certain things are running through my mind. i was reading my diary (yes, i do keep one but i don't write in it that often.), and memories came flashing back. i can feel the sweetness i had in my heart when i first notice him at work, and how we began talking, hanging out and ended up together. and of cause the aches i feel in my heart each time we quarrelled. never did i know the one common fight will result to the way we are today. ohwells..

i flipped to the earlier entries. i laughed to myself when i read about how i described my heart flutters when i saw jae performing on stage during one of his band concerts at the esplanade. i'll never forget how he looked like holding on to his saxophone, playing that solo part. so kenny g, i would say. and so charming.

there were many others silly thangs. ah, memories..

i know very well that he has moved on, no matter that news is real or just some things he made up. the fact is very clear, and that he's really moving on well. maybe one day i'll have the courage to just speak to him like a friend. or maybe not. i don't know. we'll never know. whatever it is, i will feel happy the way i felt for jae if he's happy. really.

and no, don't worry. i'm not gonna let all these emoshits falter my determination to give up and move on.