Monday, March 20, 2006
Y mentally exhausted.
work was fine today. didn't talk and smile much the whole day as i was feeling really really down. shan't talk much about work, as it's getting dull. today's like any other day, it was a wedding dinner and my partner was some china guy. but he's not bad lah. dinner ended kinda early, and we refreshed everything and were all signed out at 12mn. took the 12.30am transport home today.
wells, today started off real badly for me. had a tiff with my mom in the afternoon. after the fight, it got me thinking the whole night during work. i was really upset and regretful. i know i was at fault with the way i talked to her in the morning. but is it that always the children have to be wrong? why is it that whatever we say sounds so wrong to our parents? after the fight, i regretted because at this time, i should try to give in to my mom more as her health condition isn't that well lately. for that, i'm sorry. what i dislike about what my mom always does is that she tends to blabber words that are so hurtful whenever we fought. i know all's said in a fit of pigue but does she ever realise the impact those words caused? why can't my mom understand us more instead of always finding faults in us and start fights with us? but of cause, i do admit at times both my brother and i are really overboard for agitating her. but still... sigh, nevermind.
for the whole night, i felt really upset. i tried to greet and smile at guests while ushering during cocktail. many things are running through my head. not just my mom tho. lu hua passed by at the right time, then i blurted everything out to him. without realising, i cried. ohwells, nevermind.
nnp, i'm sorry k. i'm not mad at you or anything, but just upset. it's not that i feel you heavy colour light friend lah. just so that ever since his return in conrad, every decision of yours seems to depend on him. i admit i was disappointed about what you said to me during cocktail, and kinda showed ya attitude and for that, i apologise. i felt bad, that's why i tried to be normal after that. you're unwell and i should encourage you to go home and rest, but the way you said to me really makes me feel i'm not at all an important person for you at work. i'm redundant, you see. all these actually made me pondered. have i ever made the people around me feel the same way i'm feeling now when i was attached in the past? there is one person that i know i can get the best answer. kengey, have i? sigh, i don't know why i feel that way. is it because i'm the only person in my clique who is unattached now, so i can see the picture clearer? i don't know. i tried to ask lu hua, and i'm glad he was there to listen and advice me. thanks! (: nnp, don't get the wrong idea. i'm saying all these is not just because of today, because of you. i'm saying in general. sigh. and also, nnp, i know you ain't saying much, but i know you wanted very much patrick to join us to JB this saturday. don't worry about me. if froggie's okay with it, go ahead and ask him along if you want. i can always join kengey&zeee too. (: whatever it is, nnp, i'm sorry for today. and i hope pat and you will be alright soon. (note: this isn't any confession session.)
painful. today dalland came and help me to portion for most courses. then he kinda took this opportunity to tell/ask me some stuffs. this makes me wonder even more. about what he said/asked, it's for me to know and for you to wonder. i don't know if dalland is dumb or smart by saying all those to me. ohwells, i don't care anymore if whatever i've blog will be told to him, as i don't know what is betrayal anymore.
i don't know why, but i can't stop thinking about him. maybe of what lu lu said to me 2 days back. sigh, he's working 7days straight for this week. sigh, he'll be dead tired le. :/ AH, snap! 'nuff said. working at 6pm tomorrow. my off days for this week will be on wednesday and saturday. until now, i still don't know if we're working on sunday as mery hasn't did the staffing yet. anyways, there's only one thing to cheer me up now. yay, mike he! i'm gonna watch a few episodes of ai qing he yue before i turn in. nights. ):
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The Lady
Joanne; twenty-one; 16jan'87
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